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lestrange28

Page history last edited by Laura Gibbs 14 years, 8 months ago

 

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280..(Abstemius 28) A Country-man and a Mouse.

There was a pleasant sort of a Poor Fellow had his House a-Fire; but his Misfortunes did not make him lose his good Humour. As it was all in a Flame, out bolts a Mouse from the Ruins to save her self: The Man catches her, and throws her back again. Why thou Ungrateful Wretch (says he) to leave thy Friend now in Adversity, that gave thee Bread in Prosperity.

'Tis a Barbarous Faculty, an Ill-natur'd Wit; that will rather expose the very Life and Reputation of a Friend, than lose the Opportunity of a Jest.

  

281. (Abstemius 29) A Sick Hermit.

There was a very good Man, that in the Five and twentieth Year of his Age, fell into a desperate Fit of Sickness; the Doctors sat upon him, and the whole College were of opinion, that there was no saving of his Life without the Use of a Woman. The Poor Man lay Humming nad Hawing a good while, betwixt Sin and the Remedy; but in the end, he gave up himself wholly to the Physicians to do with him as they thought fit. Upon this, the Doctors, by Consent, put a good Armful of warm Woman's Flesh into the Bed to him, by way of a Recipe, and so laid him to rest, till about some two Hours after: At which time they came to see how the Prescription had wrought; and there did they find the Poor Religious tearing his Hair, beating his Breast, and groaning as if his very Heart would break. So they fell presently to Reasoning, and Casing upon the Matter with him, and laying comfortable Distinctions before him betwixt the Morality, and the Necessity of what was done. No, no Gentlemen, says he, my Grief is not thereabouts; but it goes to the Heart of me to think how long I have liv'd in Ignorance; and that this Fit of Sickness should never take me sooner.

Flesh is Frail. When a strong Appetite, and a troublesome Virtue meet in Competition, 'tis a hard Matter for a Man to resist the Temptation.

  

282. (Abstemius 30) A Rich Man and a Foolish Servant.

A Rich Man had a certain block-headed Fellow to his Servant, and the Master would be saying to him at every turn, Well! Thou art the very Prince of Fools! I would I were, says the Man, in a fawcy Huff once, for I would be the greatest Emperor upon the Face of the Earth then, and You yourself should be One of my Subjects.

The Only Universal Monarch is the King of Fools; for the whole Race of Mankind are his Subjects.

  

283. (Abstemius 31) A Widow had a Mind to Marry.

Well! says a Widow in Confidence to a Friend of hers, I am utterly undone for want of a Sober, Provident Husband, to look after my Estate; and there's no Body's Advice that I had rather have than Yours. But pray, will you take This along with You too; that for the Coarse, Common Bus'ness of Matrimony, as I am an Honest Woman, the very Thoughts on't turns my Stomach; Very well, says the Confident, and now I know your Mind, it shall go hard but I'll fit ye. The good Woman went her way for the present, and the next Day came to her again, quite overjoy'd that she had found out a Man (says she) of Industry and Integrity; and one that perfectly understands all sorts of Bus'ness; and then for Turning your Stomach, my Life for yours, Madam, he's not in a Condition to give you any Qualms that way. Away, he Fool, says she, I hate the Infirmity, though I love the Virtue.

Women are all of a Make, and in some Things most of them in a Mind. One Woman feels another Woman's Pulse in her own Veins; and there's no halting before Cripples.

  

284. (Abstemius 32) Town-Dogs and Country-Dogs.

'Tis a common thing upon the passing of a strange Dog through a Town, to have a hundred Curs bawling at his Breech, and every Yap gets a Snap at him. There was one particular Dog, that when he saw there was no saving his Skin by running away, turn'd upon his Pursuers, and then found upon the Trial, that one Set of Teeth was worth two Pair of Heels; for upon that Revolution, they all fell off, and sneak'd their way. A Captain took Occasion to apply this Instance to his People. Fellow-Soldiers (says he) take this for a Rule, Those that run away, are in more Danger than the Others that stand the Shock.

The putting up of one Affront draws on another.

  

285. (not in Abstemius) A Snake to Jupiter.

A Snake that found himself persecuted by Men, appeal'd to Jupiter for Relief; who told him that it was his own Fault; for (says he) if you had but bit the first Man that affronted ye; the second would have taken warning by't.

The putting up of one Affront draws on another.

  

286. (Abstemius 34) The Frogs and Tortoises.

As a Company of Frogs were trifling and playing up and down in a Meadow, some Tortoises, that look'd on, were mightily troubled that they could not do so too: But taking notice a while after, how these Frogs were pick'd up, and destroy'd by Birds and Fishes: Well (says one of 'em) 'tis better to live Dull and Heavy, than to die Light and Nimble.

Every Part and Creature of the Universe has its proper Place Station, and Faculties assign'd; and to wish it otherwise, were to find fault with Providence.

  

287. (Abstemius 35) The Mice and the Oak.

The Mice found it so troublesom to be still climbing the Oak for every Bit they put in their Bellies, that they were once to set their Teeth to't, and bring the Acorns down to them; but some wiser than some, and a Grave Experienc'd Mouse, bad them have a care what they did; for it we destroy our Nurse at present, who shall feed us hereafter?

Resolution without Foresight is but a Temerarious Folly: And the Consequences of Things are the first Point to be taken into Consideration. 

 

288. (Abstemius 36) A Run-away Dog and his Master.

There was a Bob-tail'd Cur, cry'd in a Gazette, and one that found him out by his Marks, brought him home to his Master; who fell presently to reasoning the matter with him, how insensible and thankless a Wretch he was, to run away from one that was so extream kind to him. Did I ever give you a Blow in my Life, says he, or so much as one Angry Word, in all the time that ever you serv'd me? No, says the Dog, not with your own Hands, nor with your own Lips; but you have given me a Thousand and a Thousand by your Deputy; and when I am beaten by my Master's Order, 'tis my Master himself I reckon, that Beats me.

In Benefits as well as Injuries, 'tis the Principal that we are to consider, not the Instrument. That which a man does by Another, is in Truth and Equity by his own Act. 

 

289. (Abstemius 37) The Birds and Beetles.

The Birds were in a terrible Fright once, for fear of Gun-shot from the Beetles. And what was the Bus'ness, but the little Balls of Ordure, that the Beetles had rak'd together, the Birds took for Bullets: But a Sparrow in the Company, that had more Wit than his Fellows, bad them have a good Heart yet, for how shall they reach us in the Air, says he, with those Pellets that they can hardly roll upon the Ground?

Many People apprehend Danger where there's None, and reckon themselves sure where there is, for want of taking the true Measure of Things, and laying Matters rightly together.

 

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