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300. (Abstemius 49) A Hunts-man and a Currier.

A Currier bought a Bear-Skin of a Hunts-man, and laid him down ready Money for't. The Hunts-man told him that he would kill a Bear next day and he should have the Skin. The Currier, for his Curiosity, went out with the Hunts-man to the Chace; and mounted a tree, where he might see the Sport. The Hunts-man advanc'd very bravely up to the Den where the Bear lay, and threw in his Dogs upon him. He Rustled out immediately, and the Man missing his Aim, the Bear overturn'd him. So the Fellow held his Breath, and lay Stone still, as if he were dead. The Bear snuffled, and smelt to him; and took him for a Carcass, and so left him. When the Bear was gone, and the Danger over, down comes the Currier from the Tree, and bad the Hunts-Man Rise. Heark ye, my Friend, says the Currier, the Bear whisper'd somewhat in your Ear. What was it, I prithee? Oh (says the Hunts-Man) he bad me have a care for the future, so make sure of the Bear, before I sell his Skin.

Let no Man undertake for more than he is able to make good.

301. (Abstemius 50) A Hermit and a Soldier.

There was a Holy Man, that took a Soldier to task, upon the Subject of his Profession, and laid before him the Hazard, the Sins, and the Troubles that attend People of that Trade: Wherefore, says he, for your Soul's Sake, Sir, pray give it over. Well! Father, says the Soldier, I'll do as you bid me; for really we are so ill paid, and there's so little to be gotten by Pillage, that I fancy I had e'en as good betake myself to a godly Life.

When People can live no longer by their Sins, 'tis high time for them to mend their Manners. 

302. (Abstemius 51) A Husband and Wife twice Married.

There happen'd a Match betwixt a Widower and a Widow. The Woman would be perpetually twitting of her second Husband what a Man her First was, and her Husband did not forget the ringing of it in her Ears as often, what an admirable Woman he had to his First Wife. As the Woman was one Day upon the peevish Pin, a poor Body comes to the Door, while the froward Fit was upon her, to beg a Charity. Come in, poor Man (says the Woman) here's e'en the Leg of a Capon for thee, to pray for the Soul of my First Husband. Nay, Faith, says the Husband, and when they hand is in, e'ev take the Body and the rest on't, to pray for the Soul of my First Wife. This was their way of Teizing one another, and of Starving the Living to Honour the Dead: For they had but that One Capon betwixt them to Supper.

Sauce for a Goose is Sauce for a Gander. There's no contending with the Laws of God and Man, especially against those that have Power and Right on their Side.

303. (Abstemius 52) A Lion and a Mouse.

A Lion that found himself hamper'd in a Net, call'd to a Mouse that was passing by, to help him out of the Snare, and he'd never forget the Kindness, he said. The Mouse gnaw'd the Threads to pieces, and when he had set the Lion at Liberty, desir'd him in requital to give him his Daughter. The Lion was too generous to deny him any thing; but most unluckily as the new Bride was just about to step into the Marriage-Bed, she happen'd to set her Foot upon her Husband at unawares, and crush'd him to Death.

The Folly of an Inconsiderate Love. The Force of Gratitude, and good Nature, and the Misery that accompanies Unequal Matches.

304. (Abstemius 54) Wax and Brick.

There was a Question started once about Wax and Brick, why the one should be so brittle, and liable to be broken with every Knock, and the other bear up against all Injuries and Weathers, so durable and firm. The Wax philosophiz'd upon the Matter, and finding out at last, that it was Burning made the Brick so hard, cast itself into the Fire, upon an Opinion that Heat would harden the Wax too; but that which Consolidated the one, Dissolv'd the other.

'Tis a Folly to try Conclusions, without understanding the Nature of the Matter in Question. 

305. (Abstemius 55) A Husbandman turn'd Soldier and Merchant.

Oh the endless Misery of the Life I lead! cries the moiling Husbandman, to spend all my Days in Ploughing, Sowing, Digging, and Dunging, and to make nothing on't at last! Why now in a Soldier's Life there's Honour to be got, and one lucky Hit sets up a Man for ever. Faith, I'll e'en put off my Stock, get me a Horse and Arms, and try the Fortune of the War. Away he goes; makes his Push; stands the shock of a Battle, and compounds at last for the leaving of a Leg or an Arm behind him, to go home again. By this time he has had his Bellyful of Knight-Errantry, and a new Freak takes him in the Crown. He might do better, he fancies, in the Way of a Merchant. This Maggot has no sooner set him agog, but he gets him a Ship immediately; Freights her, and so away to Sea upon Adventure: Builds Castles in the Air, and conceits both the Indies in his Coffers, before he gets so much as Clear of the Port. Well! and what's the End of all this at last? He falls into Foul Weather, among Flats and Rocks, where Merchant, Vessel, Goods, and all are lost in one Common Wreck.

A Rambling Levity of Mind is commonly Fatal to us.

306. (Abstemius 56) An Ass puts in for an Office.

There was a bantering Droll got himself into a very good Equipage and Employment, by an admirable Faculty he had in Farting. The Success of this Buffoon encourag'd an Ass to put in for a Place too; for, says he, I'll fart with that Puppy for his Commission, and leave it to the Judgment of those that preferr'd him, which has the Clearer, and better scented Pipe of the Two.

Where Publick Ministers encourage Buffoonery, 'tis no wonder if Buffoons set up for Publick Ministers.

307. (Abstemius 57) A River and a Fountain.

There happen'd a Dispute betwixt a River and a Fountain, which of the Two should have the Preference. The River valu'd it self upon the Plenty and Variety of Fish that it produc'd; the Advantages of Navigation; the many Brave Towns and Palaces that were built upon the Banks of it, purely for the Pleasure of the Situation. And then for the General Satisfaction, in fine, that it yielded to Mankind, in the Matter both of Convenience and Delight: Whereas (says the River) the Fountain passes obscurely through the Caverns of the Earth; lies bury'd up in Moss, and comes creeping into the World, as if it were asham'd to shew the Head. The Fountain took the Insolence and the Vanity of This Reproche so Heinously, that it presently Choak'd up the Spring, and Stopt the Course of its Waters: Insomuch that the Channel was immediately dry'd up, and the Fish left Dead and Stinking in the Mud; as a Just Judgment upon the Stream for Derogating from the Original and Author of All the Blessings it Enjoy'd.

He that Arrogates any Good to Himself, detracts from the Author of all the Good he Enjoys.

308. .(Abstemius 58) A Wicked Man and the Devil.

A Notorious Malefactor, that had committed I know not how many Villanies, and run thro' the Discipline of as many Gaols, made a Friend of the Devil, to help him out in all his Distresses. This Friend of his brought him off many and many a time, and still he was taken up, again and again, he had his Recourse over and over, to the same Devil for Succour. But upon his Last Summons, the Devil came to him with a great Bag of Old Shoes at his Back, and told him plainly; Friend (says he) I'm at the End of my Line, and can help ye no longer. I have beat the Hoof till I have worn out all these Shoes in your Service, and not One Penny left me to buy more: So that you must e'en excuse me if I drop ye here.

The Devil helps his Servants for a Season; but when they come once to a Pinch, he leaves 'em in the lurch.

309.  (Abstemius 59) A Council of Birds for Chusing more Kings.

The Birds were mightily possess'd with an Opinion, that it was utterly impossible for the Eagle alone to administer Equal Justice to all her Subjects; And upon this ground, there was a Motion put up, for Changing the Monarchy into a Republick: But an old cunning Crow that saw further into a Millstone then his Neighbours, with One Word of his Mouth dash'd the Project. The more Kings you have, says he, the more Sacks there are to be filled: And so the Debate fell.

The Common People hate all Government, and when they are sick of it in One Form, they fly to Another; but still they rather incline to That, which they fancy Easiest to Themselves.