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340. (Abstemius 89) A Country-man and a Kid.

A Country-man that was hamper'd in a Law Suit, had a near Friend and Kinsman, it seems, that was a Lawyer, and to him he went again and again, for Advice upon the Point; but he was still so busy, and busy, that he must come another time. The poor Fellow took a delicate Fat Kid with him next Bout, and the Lawyers Clark, upon hearing the Voice of it at the Door; let the Man in, and carry'd him to his Master, where he laid Open his Case, Took his Opinion; made Two Legs, One to the Counsel for Receiving of him; T'other to the Kid for Introducing him, and so went his Way.

Money is a Passe-par-Tout. 

341. (Abstemius 90) A Weak Young Man and a Wolfe.

A Creeping Young Fellow that had Committed Matrimony with a Brisk Gamesome Lass, was so Alter'd upon't in a Few Days, that he was liker a Sceleton than a Living Man. He was Basking himself one time in the Gleam of the Sun, and some Huntsmen pass'd by him upon the Chase of a Wolfe that led 'em That Way. Why how comes it (says he) that you don't Catch That Wolfe? They told him that he was too Nimble for 'em. Well (says he) If my Wife had the Ordering of him, she'd Spoil his Footmanships.

Marriage they say breeds Cares and Cuckolds. 

342. (Abstemius 91) A Lad Robbing an Orchard.

An Old Fellow took a Boy Robbing his Orchard, Sirrah (says he) come down the Tree, and don't steal my Apples. The Lad never minded him, but went on with his Work. Well (says the Master of the Ground) they say there are Charms in Herbs as well as in Words, and so he threw a Handful of Grass at him; which was so ridiculous, that the Young Thief took the Old Man to be Mop'd. But in Conclusion, if neither Words, nor Herbs will do, says he, I'll try what may be done with Stones; for they say there's Vertue in Them too; and that Way he did his Work.

Those that will not be reclaimd's by Instruction, must be brought to a Sense of their Duty by Feeling. 

343. (Abstemius 92) A Nightingale and a Hawk.

As a Nightingale was Singing in a Bush, down comes a Rascally Kite of a Sparrow-Hawk, and whips her off the Bough: The Poor Wretch pleaded for her self, that alas! her Little Carcass was not worth the while, and that there were bigger Birds enough to be found. Well, says the Hawk, but am I so mad, d'ye think. as to part with a Little Bird that I have, for a Great One that I have not? Why then, says she, I'll give you a delicate Song for my Life: No, no, says the Hawk, I want for my Belly, not for my Ears.

A Bird in the Hand is worth Two in the Bush. 

344. (Abstemius 93) A Lion and a Hog.

A Lion that found it extreme irksome to live Alone, gave the Beasts of the Forest to understand, that he was resolv'd to make choice of some or other of his Subjects for a Friend and Companion. There was a mightfy Bustle, who should be the Favourite, and the Wonder of all the rest: The Lion pitch'd upon a Hog: For, says the Lion, he is True and Faithful to his Friend, and will stand by him in all Times and Hazards.

A True Friend can ne'er fail of being a Loyal Subject: And That's the Man that a Brave Prince will make choice of for a Particular Favourite.

345. (Abstemius 94) A Gnat and a Bee.

A Gnat that was half Starv'd with Cold and Hunger, went out on Frosty Morning to a Bee-Hive, to beg a Charity; and offer'd to Teach Musick in the Bee's Family, for her Diet and Lodging. The Bee very civilly desir'd to be excus'd: For, says she, I bring up all my Children to my own Trade, that they may be able to get their Living another Day by their Industry.

Lazy Beggars that can work and will not, have scarce a Right to Common Charity: And this Misery befalls them for want of an Industrious Education.

346. (Abstemius 95) A Lion, Ass, and Hare.

Upon the breaking out of a War betwixt the Birds and the Beasts, the Lion summon'd all his Subjects from Sixteen to Sixty, to appear in Arms, at such a certain Time and Place, upon Pain of his high Displeasure; and there were a World of Asses and Hares at the Rendezvouz among the Rest. Several of the Commanders were for turning 'em off, and discharging 'em, as Creatures entirely unfit for Service. Do not mistakes your self (says the Lion) the Asses will do very well for Trumpeters, and the Hares will make Excellent Letter-Carriers.

God and Nature made nothing in vain. There is no Member of a Political Body so Mean and Inconsiderable, but it may be useful to the Publick in some Station or other.

347. (Abstemius 96) Pigeons Reconcile the Hawks.

There happen'd a Bloody Civil War once among the Hawks; and what did the poor peaceable, innocent Pigeons, but in pure Pity, and good Nature, send their Deputies and mediators to do the best they could to make 'em Friends again: So long as this Feud lasted, they were so intent upon killing one another, that they minded nothing else; but no sooner was the Quarrel taken up among themselves, than they fell to their old Sport again of Destroying the Pigeons. This brought them to a Sight of their Error, and to understand the Danger of uniting a Common Enemy to their own Ruin.

Good Men are never safe but when Wicked Men are at Odds. So that the Divisions of the One, are the Security of the Other.

348. (Abstemius 97) A Woman that brought a Fire into the House.

The Question was put to an honest Man newly marry'd, What might be the Meaning of his New Bride's bringing a Torch out of her Father's House into her Husband's? Why this, says he; I have eas'd my Father-in-law of a Fire-brand, to set my own House in a Flame.

A Contentious Woman puts all into a Flame, wherever she comes.

349. .(Abstemius 98) A Corrupt Officer.

A Certain Governour of a Province that had a long Time Pill'd, and Oppress'd the People under his Charge, was call'd to Account in the Conclusion for Receiving of Bribes; and sentenc'd to Refund what he had wrongfully Taken. He came as unwillingly to the Point, as a Bear to the Stake, which gave Occasion to some Body's saying, that it was with this Man and his Money, as it is with Women and their Children; He was well enough pleased in the Getting of it; but it went to the very Heart of him when he Parted with it.

Great Officers are but like Sponges; they suck 'till they are full, and when they come once to be squeez'd, the very Heart's Blood of them come away with their Money.